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matzo ball soup
there's a fight i got in with my friend, a, a few months ago when i had covid. i told everyone not to bring me soup. 'are you sure,' everyone said. 'positive,' i said. 'ss is here and testing negative. they can get me whatever.' my best friend c went to the jewish deli and got me a big container of matzo ball soup, 8 chocolate rugelach and a pint of beet coleslaw. she left it on my stoop with a note that said 'shut up, bitch. feel better soon.' she didn't even text me to come get it. when ss brought up the package, it made me laugh so hard i coughed for a half hour. my friend a, upon seeing the photo of a giant matzo ball on my instagram, texted me, upset. 'so, you'll let c get you soup but not me?' she typed. 'i told c not to and she did it anyway,' i texted back. because it's the way it's always been with c and i, that we know when we have to push with one another. something really satisfying and validating in the unspoken mutuality of our care. it doesn't mean we don't communicate or don't miss the mark sometimes, or that it happens automatically like magic. just that we happen to want to care for each other mostly in the same ways we each prefer to be cared for so, instinct lines up with what turns out to feel apt. we still have to calibrate sometimes, but i don't know, it's an asian thing, it's a romantic friendship thing, it's a two flip sides of the same queer coin thing, a 'our other friends call us mom and dad thing'. it feels good, it makes our specialness more material.
i know people can't read each other's minds. i've learned that. i don't expect what i don't ask for from other friends who aren't c. i have realized that there is something else, also special, more earned, about making a request out loud and then receiving it. but it's hard to ask for things when you don't know exactly what you want. there is something so beautiful or relieving about someone you trust knowing better than you. i didn't want the matzo ball soup but c knew i needed it. this is also an s/m thing.
i talk to myself intensely about these sorts of questions at this point in my solar cycle every year.
i know people can't read each other's minds. i've learned that. i don't expect what i don't ask for from other friends who aren't c. i have realized that there is something else, also special, more earned, about making a request out loud and then receiving it. but it's hard to ask for things when you don't know exactly what you want. there is something so beautiful or relieving about someone you trust knowing better than you. i didn't want the matzo ball soup but c knew i needed it. this is also an s/m thing.
i talk to myself intensely about these sorts of questions at this point in my solar cycle every year.